Christmas Time is Here!

I plan on going to an Ugly Christmas Sweater Party. Apparently, it's a thing.

I looked in two different Goodwill stores didn't find ANY Christmas sweaters at ALL. Maybe Houstonians just don't wear sweaters so they don't have any to donate. I was specifically looking for one with a festive appliqué and lights .

I found this awesome specimen at Wal-mart for $15 in the "Plus Size" section. Apparently, we fat chicks like sweater-vests. Who knew?

I also bought a fabulous black mock turtleneck with holly printed on it (which is just too hideous to be seen in pictures, and makes my boobs look like they need their own area code!)

THEN while I was looking for Christmas lights for my windows. I found some Battery operated micro LED lights. They even twinkle!!! I sewed the lights down (making some good surgeon's knots) and even sewed in a little pocket for the battery pack.

And Voila! $20 later, Instant Christmas Ugliness!

If you haven't enough time to D.I.Y. (and you want to pay shipping) you can buy a very ugly sweater here and some with lights here! (Woah! They run from $60-$100!!) You can also look to Esty and buy something handmade.

Merry Christmas!

You know you are pathetic,

When the warmth of your MacBook is all you need.

Seriously, this drought better end soon.

From a "Fattie"

A Marie Claire Blogger wrote a response to seeing the new sit-com Mike and Molly. This is a show about two fat people who meet up in an Over-eaters Anonymous meeting and now have started a romantic relationship. Apparently, they "made out" in an episode once and that sent this "former anorexic" blogger into a tizzy:

Should "Fatties" Get a Room? (Even on TV?)

The author is obviously a sad sad woman with nothing better to do than bully fat people.

Her patronizing health "advice" is snarky at best:

(I'm happy to give you some nutrition and fitness suggestions if you need them — but long story short, eat more fresh and unprocessed foods, read labels and avoid foods with any kind of processed sweetener in them whether it's cane sugar or high fructose corn syrup, increase the amount of fiber you're getting, get some kind of exercise for 30 minutes at least five times a week, and do everything you can to stand up more — even while using your computer — and walk more. I admit that there's plenty that makes slimming down tough, but YOU CAN DO IT! Trust me. It will take some time, but you'll also feel so good, physically and emotionally. A nutritionist or personal trainer will help — and if you can't afford one, visit your local YMCA for some advice.)

I recently lost about 15lbs on WW and by going to the Gym! (shocker)
It was realllly hard to get motivated at first and to stay motivated, especially 'cause I have a long way to go and on first glance you probably couldn't tell that I lost any weight. But really it is not about YOU now is it??

This lady is so leotarded. She says that fat people should "walk more" but a few lines prior she says:

So anyway, yes, I think I'd be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other ... because I'd be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room — just like I'd find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroine (sic) addict slumping in a chair.

I take a Zumba class 2-3x a week (and end up a big sweaty mess!). I walk the 1.5miles to the Reliant center and back. I lift weights. I eat food that doesn't suck, well maybe my cooking ain't that great, but it is nutritionally sound.

And then, you know the chicks on The View had something to say



I have a subscription to Marie Claire 'cause I thought they were a little more progressive than the other chick magazines out there. However, if their editors let this poorly written crap slip through I will not be renewing my subscription.

Twilight Zone, Alternate Realities and USPS

Today, I got a package in the lab. It was a heavy, beat-up box labeled "time sensitive materials, open immediately."
On first glance, the package looked pretty ominous to my lab mates, one coming to my office exclaiming "Dr. Green! Dr. Green! You have a package! (and NO I don't MAKE them call me Doctor).
I, knowing that I hadn't ordered anything, was a little surprised myself. But on MY first glance I noticed that the box said "Norton School of Lymphatic Therapy." The girls in the lab tried to insist that I be very careful, opening it with gloves "'Cause "you don't know what it is!' I assumed it was some literature about Lymphedema (Or a sample pump or something).

Upon opening the box (with my bare hands), it became immediately clear that a mistake had been made. The box contained study materials for a Lymphedema Therapist training course, addressed to a Leila Green Little... who is a speech pathologist here at the cancer center. The "Time Sensitive" label was due to the fact that the books and CDs were rather lengthy and would need to be completed before the class. One phone call was all that was needed to clear up the problem. I will meet her tomorrow and give her the books myself.

There are always things to learn from everyday mistakes:

1. Most obviously, you must never judge a book/box by it's cover.

We get tons of packages in the lab everyday. The most sterile appearing of which can contain the most volatile substances. The most ugly packages can contain a fount or knowledge. This is true for people as well. Many people look at me and have no clue about what I am really all about. The question is, do you change the outside to match the inside? Do you wait for that brave soul to open you up and find out? Obviously, in the hands of the right person our package can be extremely valuable. In the hands of someone else, we can gather dust.

2. Our perceptions are formed by our previous experience.

If my lab mates knew what "lymphatic therapy" was, they would have not been so alarmed. I am very used to getting unsolicited mail; book offers, newsletters and magazines to which,I swear, I haven't subscribed (somehow US Weekly is making it to my mailbox)

3.Reading is fundamental!

4. Big problems often have simple solutions.

One phone call was all it took to get the books to the right person. I am not saying that this was a particularly a big problem though, it could have been if the books had not arrived in time for the class. Just remember to start somewhere.

5. You can/could be another you.

My name is not common in America. Many Lebanese people tell me that Leila is the name of a character in Arabic tale sort of like Romeo and Juliet. The woman to whom the package was addressed has almost my exact same name. I know that this is a fairly common occurrence. I have two friends named Reginald Patterson. However, I started thinking. "What if I had become a speech pathologist?" I Googled my name (who hasn't?) there were a lot of old genealogy reports, pictures of tombstones. Professional mostly, White/Jewish women. Who were those "Leilas?" what did they do? Did they have children? Did they have good lives? I used to get all sorts of literature from the Hillel of Ohio due to my name when I was in college

And then I started thinking about Alternate realities and had to lay my head on my desk for a minute!

All of this to say, If there is another Leila J. Green out there going to Lymphedema Therapy classes, who's to say that I can't go do something else? I did move to Houston on a whim (a very planned out whim). You can totally reinvent yourself. Get married, have a bunch of kids and be Grandma Leila. Quit my job and be Leila the Vagabond/hobo with horrible credit but a story to tell. Invent a surgical technique, the Leila maneuver (no, it wouldn't be "the Green----" due to all the stuff that Greenfield did and to not be confused for a man)

6. Lastly, be glad for this time to reflect.

There is no chance that I would be this deep about a misplaced box if I had to take call or make rounds at 5am! :)

Turtle racing!

YES!

India.Arie - Little Things

Found $3, an old laundry card, and a pair of headphones I thought I lost in the pocket of my hoodie this morning.

OK cupid:Or how I am learning to unplug and get out of the house.

I just want a dinner, a nice dinner. A chance to dress up and have some flirty conversation. Maybe a little inebriated roll around. Is that too much to ask?

Apparently so.

From this research conducted by OKcupid a free online dating site they have concluded that while after being contacted by a man:
"Black women write back the most. Whether it’s due to talkativeness, loneliness, or a sense of plain decency, black women are by far the most likely to respond to a first contact attempt. In many cases, their response rate is one and a half times the average, and, overall, black women reply about a quarter more often that other women."

If a Black woman had made first contact:
"Men don’t write black women back. Or rather, they write them back far less often than they should. Black women reply the most, yet get by far the fewest replies. Essentially every race—including other blacks—singles them out for the cold shoulder."

Then they have constructed a pretty little graph which would make any high school statistics teacher proud:

"How Your Race Affects The Messages You Get" October 5th, 2009 by Christian Rudder

Now, you can take this "data" (culled from the site's own membership population) with a grain of salt. Are there less Black women on this particular site than the general population? Are there men on this sight who specifically do not want a Black woman than say on Blackpeoplemeet.com or Interracialsingles.com?

I personally took this information as a go ahead for a free for all on my part. If the guys were statistically less likely to respond to me overall, it shouldn't matter how deep or well worded my initial messages are.After completing a zillion questions, I found that I "matched" with a bunch of glasses wearing, angsty, hipster, atheists (Oberlin much?). I sent brief messages to any guy I thought was even remotely attractive. Mostly in reference to some bit of information I saw on their profile pages.

This has worked only marginally. Most men taking time to view my profile (I know this thanks to the stalker-ish "who viewed me" tab on their website) but not replying.

I have gotten a few replies, IMs back and forth. etc. but nothing has really stuck. I finally spoke on the phone with one guy who I spent a weekend emailing back and forth. He dominated the conversation spouting pseudo-intellectualisms that made my head hurt. Unpacking issues about race, religion and politics in a prolonged diatribe that most of my friends and I came to terms with in undergrad. On and on and on. He told me he just wanted to be with his "people" (vegan Bhudists)

After I got off the phone (one of his "Band mates" called about rehearsal. Seriously?) He sent another Epic Email about how he was glad that the internet brought us together, however, he was not feeling an "ideological connection" wocka wocka wocka and can we just "be friends?"

No, we cannot.

I have friends. My friends are some of the smartest people on the planet. My friends have healing hands. My friends are political activists, fierce poets, way finders, game changers. Thankyouverymuch.

I am looking for a LOVER (oooh even that word makes me feel all gushy and old tee hee) who just can't get enough of me, with at least a little "mate-potential."

What do I take from this?

1. I need to spend less time in front of glowing screens and actually go out into the big bad world.
If I had actually met said pseudo-intellectual on the street, I probably would not have spent so much time talking with him, thinking about what to say, spell-checking etc. And would have dismissed that guy immediately. I only have so much patience for your bullshit.

2. The internets aren't all bad. There is one (ONE) couple that I know who met on a dating site and are now happily married. You can broaden your search for that special someone to people you may never meet otherwise. However, I know now that you must take the profiles that are on these sites with a grain of salt. These are highly edited (often fabricated) advertisements for the people they represent. Real people have weird laughs, they wear shiny club shirts, they have questionable personal hygiene. All of which you can't experience in the online world. I will definitely spend less time online opting to make "first real world contact" much sooner.