Things that I have learned about relationships in my 35 years on the planet.

I have had a lot of failed relationships. Or really, ATTEMPTS at romantic relationships.

I have carried many torches. I have been on a lot of first dates.

These are the things that I have learned. Hopefully they will help you.

1. There is no “The One”
1. There are 7.5 billion people on the planet. Sure, a good portion of them live in China and India.  But that means there is no “One” for you.  It is statistically impossible and evolutionarily absurd.  There are MANY people with whom you are compatible. If you screw up with one, get it together and find another.
2. Relationships outside of your own are fictional. Trust your gut.  
1. You can’t live up to the expectation of what you see on TV or the Movies.  Or even examples of your friend’s and family’s  “Ideal” relationship. You don’t see everything they are doing. As long as you feel good in your relationship, and aren’t being hurt, trust your gut and go with the flow.
3. The  person(s) who are for YOU will be DELIGHTED to hear from you. If not, Delete them.
1. Especially in the beginning.  I sometimes get the feeling that “hmm I may be doing too much.” or “Shit, I said/did the wrong thing. They will think I am an idiot”  They won’t. They will be happy that you are paying them attention.  If you sense that they aren’t, move along.  
4. Face to Face>Phone>>>>>>>texting
1. WE are animals. We are not artificial intelligence.  We respond best to organic stimulation not 0010011101100. Unless you have some sort of developmental problem like Autism, we need to see facial expressions, observe body language hear tone of people’s voice in order for things not to get lost in translation.  Especially if people’s first language isn’t english
2. Texting should be your very last resort in communication ESPECIALLY in the beginning of ANY relationship.  It should be reserved for quick plan making only. After you have established an in-person relationship or phone relationship, then you can move to texting. But if you find you are having an actual Conversation over text you need to cut it off.
3. If you really like writing, write that person an actual LETTER or even an Email. Something they can print out and make tangible.
4. Sexting is ok IF it is used as a build up to IN PERSON relations.
5. Don’t take things personally.
1. This is one of the Four Agreements.  
2. People do things as a reflection of how they are feeling INTERNALLY.
3. Do not feel bad about giving someone a time-out by walking away if they aren’t treating you in the way that you feel you should be treated.  Usually they will come back. You can use this time to get yourself together too.

The Desires of my Heart

I made a list of "things I want in a man" some years ago and, in my youth, it had WAY too many things on it. 

I have narrowed it down to 6 things: 

He loves me and TREATS ME WELL

A lot of guys think that this means you have to spend a bunch of money. No. Act like the guy you want you daughter/sister/mother to marry. This means you can communicate effectively, like a grown up person. 

Is attractive to me and attracted to me

I like all kinds of different guys. You can't be "in the closet" about dating fat girls/black girls/smart girls.  I want us to not be able to keep our hands off of each other. 

Is encouraging and willing to be encouraged 

Teamwork makes the Dream work. 

Would like to be married, to me

I am getting old.  It is time to date intentionally. Not that I am in a rush to get down the aisle, but I am tired of the bs. We can have fun, with out the "we're just having fun" attitude.  The only benefits I need from friends are the occasional ride to the airport. 

Can make me laugh

My job is very stressful, I don't want to be serious and stressed out at home too!

 

Has some modicum of cultural competence

Be interested and engaged in learning something new.  Don't be a jerk to people who are different. 

So, that's it.  Is that you? Do you have a list too? If "she can cook" is on there, please try harder!

Lasagna only has 5 ingredients

(This is not a food blog. This is not a food blog. This is not a food blog. This is not a food blog. This is not a food blog. This is not a food blog. This is not a food blog. This is not a food blog.)

5 things, BAM! lasganga!

Beef lasagna:

(15 minutes prep, 35 minutes bake)
Stuff you need to buy:
1.Ground Beef (as lean as you can get it) where’s the beef?? I tried it with ground turkey, but it wasn’t as good.I like meat, but you can substitute meat with cooked spinach, veggie medley or other protein of your choice
2. Mozzarella part skim (1 bag pre shredded, or you can be fancy and shred your own)
3. Ricotta (whole, part skim, skim, whatever. Buy the smaller one, you don’t need much)
4. Spaghetti sauce jars x2 (Newman’s Own Tomato Basil Bombolina is the best, and it has a cute picture on the front. Go ahead, judge a pasta sauce by it's cover..
you can try to use one jar, but I like mine saucy. Or you can make your own
5. No boil lasagna noodles (I didn’t even know they made these. They are a miracle. They come flat or with ripples. Whichever ones you want. I like the flat ones. Or you can buy the regular ones that need to be boiled, but that is a waste of time.
Stuff you should already have:

9inch pan

Pam! or other non stick spray (olive oil flavored for Italia!!)

baking pan with 1 inch sides

foil

Steps.:
1. Turn on oven (take those unused pots and pans out first ) to 350 degrees
2. Take your 9 inch pan and brown and drain the meat (10 minutes) If you decided to be fancy and buy the lasagna noodles that have to be boiled, you’d better be coking those now.
3. Spray the baking pan with pam.
4. Layer in your 5 ingredients like this (5 minutes):
Sauce (on the bottom of the pan), noodle, meat, Dots of ricotta, 1/4th of the mozzarella
1/4th of the sauce, noodle, meat… etc.
when you reach the last layer do noodle, sauce, noodle, sauce, mozzarella… (a bunch to cover the top)
Hint: because it is magic, the "no boil lasagna noodles" soak up the moisture from the sauce to not be hard (oh! that's how that works!!) Make sure every inch of the noodle is covered in sauce and then some to keep the lasagna from being too dry, thus I use 1.5 jars. You cannot do that with regular lasagna noodles (well you can.. but it is not recommended)
5. Then spray the foil with more pam and cover the whole concoction with it (this mysteriously keeps the top cheese from burning.
6. Bake for 20minutes
7. Then take the foil off and bake for 15 more minutes (or until the cheese looks pretty on the top)
Done.

I usually make a big pan, eat what I want the first day, then put it in the fridge. The next day, I cut it up and wrap it in individual foil packets and put them in the freezer. I take it out of the freezer in the am and it is thawed enough to nuke for 90 seconds when I get home from work. It is a nice surprise when you are broke and at the end of the pay cycle and find a brick of lasagna in the freezer! ;)

2 tomato chicken pesto

(It's been a long time. Here is a new post!)

Because I am not a chef, when recipes call for more than 5 things (and more than 10-15 minutes “prep”) I cannot deal. Also, I hate going to the supermarket. If I can remember 5 ingredients to make a decent meal it is a miracle. I also am not a fan of making any thing from scratch (except marinara). The title is a lie, yes there are 2 tomatoes, but the pesto is basil. YAY

I used to make this on a hot plate in my dorm (with pre-cooked, preservative filled chicken)

I made it tonight, and dare I say, I put my foot in it:

You need all the ingredients listed in the title!!

1.GRAPE tomatoes (not cherry, however you can add a bunch of other different types of little tomatoes if you are trying to be fancy)

2. Sun dried tomatoes (not in oil)

3.CLASSICO brand basil pesto sauce (I have tried other brands, Classico is the best, unless you buy a Magic Bullet® and make your own)

4. Box of Penne pasta (or whatever other pasta you have lying around. Mine is fiber fortified, the whole wheat will taste like cardboard no matter what you do)

5. Chicken breast tenderloins. (frozen or fresh whatevs. I used to buy chicken fresh then freeze it, but decided that was silly. I have a giant bag of frozen chicken tenderloins in my freezer. It takes me 2 months to get through it. I take out 6-8 pieces in the am before I go to work and put them in a plastic bag in the fridge. They will be thawed enough when I get home. If you are too tired to cook when you get home you can leave them in the fridge for at least 2 more days…don't ask me how I know)

6. (optional) shredded parmesan cheese. (not the powdery kind in the canister)

Stuff you should already have:

Pot to cook pasta in

Colander (spaghetti strainer)

Great big bowl (from when you thought you would make cupcakes…)

9 inch pan

Pam

Cutting board

Knife

15-20 minutes

Get to cookin good lookin:

1. Set that pot to boil. I dunno how big your pot is so I don’t know how long it will take. If you are making the whole box of penne you need 5 quarts of water (the biig pot), just know a watched pot never boils.

2. Pam that pan then Brown that chicken (12 minutes? I never really count, I am usually watching NCIS/Law and Order..) Watch it, when it turns white on one side, then flip it to the other side. When it turns white on the other side flip it again until it gets a little golden singe on both sides. When the chicken is done (cooked not burned but not pink) take it out of the pan and let it “rest” (cool the freak off) on the cutting board.

side note: I prefer to cut up my chicken after it is already cooked because I am afraid of spreading salmonella around my kitchen. If you are brave, and you want to cut up your chicken first to make it cook faster, be my guest. Wash your hands!!

3. Your pot should be at a rolling boil now (like a mini Jacuzzi). Pour the whole box of penne in that bad boy. No need to salt the water, don’t put any oil in. The pesto has salt and oil enough.

4. While that pasta is cooking dice up the chicken and throw it in the big bowl

5. Dice up about 10 sundried tomatoes, put em in the bowl

6. Rinse off the grape tomatoes and throw them in the bowl (I cut mine in half, you do you)

7. Ooo your pasta is done! Drain it in the colander. Rinse the starch off, if you like, then Throw it in the bowl

8. Spoon half the pesto in the bowl and a healthy sprinkle of the cheese (1/2 cup) The whole jar of pesto is too much. Try it if you must.

9. Now, stir it all together, et voila! (or you can put the colander over the bowl and shake the crap out of it like I do)

I think this is delicious hot or cold, for lunch or dinner. But I haven't tried it out on anyone else.

Feel free to take out the chicken if you are a veggie-tarian and add protein of your choice.

Laissez les bon temps rouler!

Have been neglecting the blog... so sad. I do I have a bunch of Houston/rodeo/good stuff to post. If only I had the time!

Today is Mardi Gras. I explained to my Chinese boss what a "King Cake" was, I think he was freaked out about the whole "and then you put a plastic baby Jesus in the cake" part. As was the English girl in the lab.

Time to think about what to "give up" for Lent. This is like a New Year's resolution do-over of sorts. I think I am going to let go of alcohol, mostly for the calories. I thought about giving up refined sugar, but then thought about all the things that I eat with refined sugar in it, and decided not.

Meanwhile, think of this while you throw those beads!

Snowpocalypse 2011

These are pictures my Dad sent to me of my old neighborhood after the Blizzard of 2011. 20 inches of snow has fallen and it is STILL snowing! Lake Shore Drive is shut down due to abandoned cars. the Chicago Public Schools are "considering" closing for a second day.
Hopefully they will be able to have the side streets plowed by the weekend.
Here in Houston, I woke up to temps in the low 20s, could have sworn I was back in Detroit! Glad I saved my Down Coat from the Moving Purge I did last summer.

My Parent's car in a 4 foot snow drift... they aren't going anywhere!

More Pics from the Chicago Tribune. Stay warm people!

Feeling old.

My sister turns 17 in two weeks. This is a video from just a month before she was born (January 1994). How far we have come.

Fa, La, La

Today I saw a lady, very un-ironically, wearing one of the ugliest Christmas sweaters I have ever seen. I had to stop myself from asking her where she got it. It was a joyus Christmas moment.

I'm a liar.

This year, because of financial situations (i.e. moving cross country, getting paid less than I was last year, not getting a check in July and finally catching up on late bills from the summer etc.) I was not able to fly home for Thanksgiving nor will I be able to fly home for Christmas/New Years. I came to terms with this in September (after seeing $400 plane tickets and saying “Hecky naw!”)

I am fine. (or at least that is what I have convinced myself to think)

This is not the first year I have been away for these holidays. I have been on call for either Christmas or New Years or both for the past 3 years. I don’t feel particularly sad. I just wish I had more money. I would do things like finally get my couch put together, buy a kitchen table, go on a “real” vacation.

The problem comes when people ask, “What are you doing for (insert holiday here)?” If I say “Oh, nothing,” people feel awkward. They really want to talk about family traditions, taking their most recent boo home for the obligatory inspection by the family, or, hell, even the parking at the airport. I know that I have probably had these conversations in the past with people who were doing “nothing.” I kind of felt sorry for them. Now, when the shoe is on the other foot, I see the error of my ways. I almost feel obliged to take some vacation days myself.

I have had a couple of invitations to other people’s houses. Tempting as it is, I just want to relax and revel in the quiet. It’s not relaxing to be on your best “visitor” behavior. Wash up the dishes, take out the trash, be a guest. I politely decline. To avoid all this, I have taken to lying,

“I am going to Austin/California/Florida,”
"Do I need a ride to the airport? No thanks!"
"I’ll call you when I get back!"

Etc and so forth.

The best part of the situation is that the weather in Houston this time of year is great. Perfect golf, running, walking, whatever weather. I am going to expand my usual 3miler Sunday to 5! It is pretty awesome actually. I see the decorations at the mall and hear the music they play but I just don’t FEEL “Christmas-y.” Do I miss the seasons? A little, but then I turn on the news and watch the “spin out videos.”
(thanks to InfoMania and currenttv.com!)

Christmas Time is Here!

I plan on going to an Ugly Christmas Sweater Party. Apparently, it's a thing.

I looked in two different Goodwill stores didn't find ANY Christmas sweaters at ALL. Maybe Houstonians just don't wear sweaters so they don't have any to donate. I was specifically looking for one with a festive appliqué and lights .

I found this awesome specimen at Wal-mart for $15 in the "Plus Size" section. Apparently, we fat chicks like sweater-vests. Who knew?

I also bought a fabulous black mock turtleneck with holly printed on it (which is just too hideous to be seen in pictures, and makes my boobs look like they need their own area code!)

THEN while I was looking for Christmas lights for my windows. I found some Battery operated micro LED lights. They even twinkle!!! I sewed the lights down (making some good surgeon's knots) and even sewed in a little pocket for the battery pack.

And Voila! $20 later, Instant Christmas Ugliness!

If you haven't enough time to D.I.Y. (and you want to pay shipping) you can buy a very ugly sweater here and some with lights here! (Woah! They run from $60-$100!!) You can also look to Esty and buy something handmade.

Merry Christmas!

You know you are pathetic,

When the warmth of your MacBook is all you need.

Seriously, this drought better end soon.

From a "Fattie"

A Marie Claire Blogger wrote a response to seeing the new sit-com Mike and Molly. This is a show about two fat people who meet up in an Over-eaters Anonymous meeting and now have started a romantic relationship. Apparently, they "made out" in an episode once and that sent this "former anorexic" blogger into a tizzy:

Should "Fatties" Get a Room? (Even on TV?)

The author is obviously a sad sad woman with nothing better to do than bully fat people.

Her patronizing health "advice" is snarky at best:

(I'm happy to give you some nutrition and fitness suggestions if you need them — but long story short, eat more fresh and unprocessed foods, read labels and avoid foods with any kind of processed sweetener in them whether it's cane sugar or high fructose corn syrup, increase the amount of fiber you're getting, get some kind of exercise for 30 minutes at least five times a week, and do everything you can to stand up more — even while using your computer — and walk more. I admit that there's plenty that makes slimming down tough, but YOU CAN DO IT! Trust me. It will take some time, but you'll also feel so good, physically and emotionally. A nutritionist or personal trainer will help — and if you can't afford one, visit your local YMCA for some advice.)

I recently lost about 15lbs on WW and by going to the Gym! (shocker)
It was realllly hard to get motivated at first and to stay motivated, especially 'cause I have a long way to go and on first glance you probably couldn't tell that I lost any weight. But really it is not about YOU now is it??

This lady is so leotarded. She says that fat people should "walk more" but a few lines prior she says:

So anyway, yes, I think I'd be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other ... because I'd be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room — just like I'd find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroine (sic) addict slumping in a chair.

I take a Zumba class 2-3x a week (and end up a big sweaty mess!). I walk the 1.5miles to the Reliant center and back. I lift weights. I eat food that doesn't suck, well maybe my cooking ain't that great, but it is nutritionally sound.

And then, you know the chicks on The View had something to say



I have a subscription to Marie Claire 'cause I thought they were a little more progressive than the other chick magazines out there. However, if their editors let this poorly written crap slip through I will not be renewing my subscription.

Twilight Zone, Alternate Realities and USPS

Today, I got a package in the lab. It was a heavy, beat-up box labeled "time sensitive materials, open immediately."
On first glance, the package looked pretty ominous to my lab mates, one coming to my office exclaiming "Dr. Green! Dr. Green! You have a package! (and NO I don't MAKE them call me Doctor).
I, knowing that I hadn't ordered anything, was a little surprised myself. But on MY first glance I noticed that the box said "Norton School of Lymphatic Therapy." The girls in the lab tried to insist that I be very careful, opening it with gloves "'Cause "you don't know what it is!' I assumed it was some literature about Lymphedema (Or a sample pump or something).

Upon opening the box (with my bare hands), it became immediately clear that a mistake had been made. The box contained study materials for a Lymphedema Therapist training course, addressed to a Leila Green Little... who is a speech pathologist here at the cancer center. The "Time Sensitive" label was due to the fact that the books and CDs were rather lengthy and would need to be completed before the class. One phone call was all that was needed to clear up the problem. I will meet her tomorrow and give her the books myself.

There are always things to learn from everyday mistakes:

1. Most obviously, you must never judge a book/box by it's cover.

We get tons of packages in the lab everyday. The most sterile appearing of which can contain the most volatile substances. The most ugly packages can contain a fount or knowledge. This is true for people as well. Many people look at me and have no clue about what I am really all about. The question is, do you change the outside to match the inside? Do you wait for that brave soul to open you up and find out? Obviously, in the hands of the right person our package can be extremely valuable. In the hands of someone else, we can gather dust.

2. Our perceptions are formed by our previous experience.

If my lab mates knew what "lymphatic therapy" was, they would have not been so alarmed. I am very used to getting unsolicited mail; book offers, newsletters and magazines to which,I swear, I haven't subscribed (somehow US Weekly is making it to my mailbox)

3.Reading is fundamental!

4. Big problems often have simple solutions.

One phone call was all it took to get the books to the right person. I am not saying that this was a particularly a big problem though, it could have been if the books had not arrived in time for the class. Just remember to start somewhere.

5. You can/could be another you.

My name is not common in America. Many Lebanese people tell me that Leila is the name of a character in Arabic tale sort of like Romeo and Juliet. The woman to whom the package was addressed has almost my exact same name. I know that this is a fairly common occurrence. I have two friends named Reginald Patterson. However, I started thinking. "What if I had become a speech pathologist?" I Googled my name (who hasn't?) there were a lot of old genealogy reports, pictures of tombstones. Professional mostly, White/Jewish women. Who were those "Leilas?" what did they do? Did they have children? Did they have good lives? I used to get all sorts of literature from the Hillel of Ohio due to my name when I was in college

And then I started thinking about Alternate realities and had to lay my head on my desk for a minute!

All of this to say, If there is another Leila J. Green out there going to Lymphedema Therapy classes, who's to say that I can't go do something else? I did move to Houston on a whim (a very planned out whim). You can totally reinvent yourself. Get married, have a bunch of kids and be Grandma Leila. Quit my job and be Leila the Vagabond/hobo with horrible credit but a story to tell. Invent a surgical technique, the Leila maneuver (no, it wouldn't be "the Green----" due to all the stuff that Greenfield did and to not be confused for a man)

6. Lastly, be glad for this time to reflect.

There is no chance that I would be this deep about a misplaced box if I had to take call or make rounds at 5am! :)

Turtle racing!

YES!

India.Arie - Little Things

Found $3, an old laundry card, and a pair of headphones I thought I lost in the pocket of my hoodie this morning.

OK cupid:Or how I am learning to unplug and get out of the house.

I just want a dinner, a nice dinner. A chance to dress up and have some flirty conversation. Maybe a little inebriated roll around. Is that too much to ask?

Apparently so.

From this research conducted by OKcupid a free online dating site they have concluded that while after being contacted by a man:
"Black women write back the most. Whether it’s due to talkativeness, loneliness, or a sense of plain decency, black women are by far the most likely to respond to a first contact attempt. In many cases, their response rate is one and a half times the average, and, overall, black women reply about a quarter more often that other women."

If a Black woman had made first contact:
"Men don’t write black women back. Or rather, they write them back far less often than they should. Black women reply the most, yet get by far the fewest replies. Essentially every race—including other blacks—singles them out for the cold shoulder."

Then they have constructed a pretty little graph which would make any high school statistics teacher proud:

"How Your Race Affects The Messages You Get" October 5th, 2009 by Christian Rudder

Now, you can take this "data" (culled from the site's own membership population) with a grain of salt. Are there less Black women on this particular site than the general population? Are there men on this sight who specifically do not want a Black woman than say on Blackpeoplemeet.com or Interracialsingles.com?

I personally took this information as a go ahead for a free for all on my part. If the guys were statistically less likely to respond to me overall, it shouldn't matter how deep or well worded my initial messages are.After completing a zillion questions, I found that I "matched" with a bunch of glasses wearing, angsty, hipster, atheists (Oberlin much?). I sent brief messages to any guy I thought was even remotely attractive. Mostly in reference to some bit of information I saw on their profile pages.

This has worked only marginally. Most men taking time to view my profile (I know this thanks to the stalker-ish "who viewed me" tab on their website) but not replying.

I have gotten a few replies, IMs back and forth. etc. but nothing has really stuck. I finally spoke on the phone with one guy who I spent a weekend emailing back and forth. He dominated the conversation spouting pseudo-intellectualisms that made my head hurt. Unpacking issues about race, religion and politics in a prolonged diatribe that most of my friends and I came to terms with in undergrad. On and on and on. He told me he just wanted to be with his "people" (vegan Bhudists)

After I got off the phone (one of his "Band mates" called about rehearsal. Seriously?) He sent another Epic Email about how he was glad that the internet brought us together, however, he was not feeling an "ideological connection" wocka wocka wocka and can we just "be friends?"

No, we cannot.

I have friends. My friends are some of the smartest people on the planet. My friends have healing hands. My friends are political activists, fierce poets, way finders, game changers. Thankyouverymuch.

I am looking for a LOVER (oooh even that word makes me feel all gushy and old tee hee) who just can't get enough of me, with at least a little "mate-potential."

What do I take from this?

1. I need to spend less time in front of glowing screens and actually go out into the big bad world.
If I had actually met said pseudo-intellectual on the street, I probably would not have spent so much time talking with him, thinking about what to say, spell-checking etc. And would have dismissed that guy immediately. I only have so much patience for your bullshit.

2. The internets aren't all bad. There is one (ONE) couple that I know who met on a dating site and are now happily married. You can broaden your search for that special someone to people you may never meet otherwise. However, I know now that you must take the profiles that are on these sites with a grain of salt. These are highly edited (often fabricated) advertisements for the people they represent. Real people have weird laughs, they wear shiny club shirts, they have questionable personal hygiene. All of which you can't experience in the online world. I will definitely spend less time online opting to make "first real world contact" much sooner.

PHOTO 365

The 365 Photo project. I started on my 29th birthday.

8/3 outside of the Armadillo restaurant on Kirby. The Eyes are glowing

8/4

8/5 all dressed up and no place to go

Did Users Flee To Facebook Because MySpace Was “Too Ghetto”?

Did Users Flee To Facebook Because MySpace Was “Too Ghetto”?: "

Research among techie circles has produced an argument that Facebook’s success is due in part to white folks leaving “the ghetto” of MySpace. We thought this made for a good discussion piece. Pop the hood for more on this theory and to weigh in

A new analysis by Microsoft researcher Danah Boyd argues that Facebook’s success is due in part to “white flight” from MySpace.

We were talking about the social media practices of her classmates when I asked her why most of her friends were moving from MySpace to Facebook. Kat grew noticeably uncomfortable. She began simply, noting that “MySpace is just old now and it’s boring.” But then she paused, looked down at the table, and continued.

“It’s not really racist, but I guess you could say that. I’m not really into racism, but I think that MySpace now is more like ghetto or whatever.”

So begins the book chapter White Flight in Networked Publics — How Race and Class Shaped American Teen Engagement with MySpace and Facebook (pdf) part of the forthcoming book Digital Race Anthology.

Danah Boyd, author of the chapter, stirred up controversy once before, in 2007, by noting that during the period beginning in 2006 when teens began to flock to Facebook, teens’ preference for either MySpace or Facebook appeared to fall along lines of race and class.

Subsequent statistical analyses of the characteristics of users of online social networks by researchers, marketers and bloggers, she notes in her latest work, backed up her claims that white and asian teens who belonged to higher socieconomic strata (and who aspired to college, with which Facebook at the time was associated) were attracted to Facebook, while latino, black and working-class teens tended to opt for MySpace. Boyd notes in her chapter:

Analysts at two unnamed marketing research firms contacted me to say that they witnessed similar patterns with youth at a national level but they were unable to publicly discuss or publish their finding, but scholars and bloggers were more willing to share their findings.

Boyd’s current work argues that MySpace took on many of the aspects of a “digital ghetto” in the minds of teens who used the site, leading to “white [and asian] flight” from the site, analogous to the white flight from the city to the suburbs that took place in the U.S. beginning in the 1960′s. Boyd continues:

Consider the parallels. In some senses, the first teens to move to the “suburbs” were those who bought into a Teen Dream of collegiate maturity, namely those who were expressly headed towards dorm- ‐based universities and colleges. They were the elite who were given land in the new suburbs before plots were broadly available. The suburbs of Facebook signaled more mature living, complete with digital fences to keep out strangers. The narrative that these digital suburbs were safer than the city enhanced its desirability, particularly for those who had no interest in interacting with people who were different.

Boyd argues that MySpace’s inability to deal with spammers added to the feeling of urban blight that overtook the site, leaving derelict profiles “covered in spam, a form of digital graffiti… As MySpace failed to address these issues, spammers took over like street gangs.”

Subsequent media coverage of the “death of MySpace” was a direct result of this flight, says Boyd. For example, she cites a 2009 New York Times article that was entitled “Do You Know Anyone Still on MySpace?” despite the fact that at the time Facebook and MySpace has roughly equal numbers of users.

“The New York Times staff was on Facebook and assumed their readers were too,” concludes Boyd.

Intriguingly, the comments under that news item support Boyd’s thesis:

“My impression is that Myspace is for the riffraff and Facebook is for the landed gentry.”

“Compared to Facebook, MySpace just seems like the other side of the tracks – I’ll go there for fun, but I wouldn’t want to live there.”

We know that was a long read but we didn’t want to leave anything out. Clearly there’s some statistical research to back up this point. How many folks still use MySpace? If you’re a former MySpacer, why did you leave? Do you think Facebook is better? What about Facebook makes it better?

Source

"

More Houston

I went to Houston over the weekend to do some apartment hunting. Found a 2bdrm with washer and dryer and a ... fireplace. Who needs a fireplace when you live on the surface of the sun? Apparently I do... The rooms are kind of small, and the pool is.. well really a kiddie pool, but I only swim at my apartment 3x a year. I was really torn up about it, I usually don't EVER make a decision that quickly. I usually wait for , WEEKS! But I have 10 DAYS before I move! AHHH!!!



I ended up getting a really nice hotel room in a pretty fancy part of town. Right down the street from the Williams Water Wall. The most photographed thing in Houston. These are actually from my Nikon Coolpics!





And then I went window shopping. There are these huge arches that go over the street which I found pretty:


Hopefully I will like this apartment. gotta pack!

I am now a Priceline Convert.

I have to go to Houston next weekend to look for an apartment. just got a full size car for $15 a day for the weekend(cheaper than the airport shuttle) AND a room at the Hilton for $50 a night! I saved $225!! It is a little scary, you give them your price and enter your credit card info, and they find a hotel/car rental place willing to accept your price. When they do BAM! your card is charged. You don't get to pick which place you stay, just the location and type of hotel/car. But I think that this worked out well.

I have also started to actually put things in boxes. I have soooo much stuff. I feel like how those people on Clean House must feel before the yard sale. I have a ton of books and clothes that I am not going to read/wear anymore. The nearby Salvation army is gonna get a truckload of chick-lit and hipster t-shirts!